The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
