omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize
