My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
I was doing the dishes wondering what was with all the tiny little cups, but then I remembered that some people drink things other than huge mixed drinks and big cups of water the next day.
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
She needs to move out. Her mom interferes with my penis being touched
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