Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
im trying to make cookies in the george foreman
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
Randomize
