Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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