he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
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