i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I can't turn off my feet"
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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