I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
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