I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
not much sitting here stoned eating my little sisters halloween candy and judging each individual hersheys candy bar and after much deliberation by the selection committee the original hersheys chocolate bar won
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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