I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You're a waste of cheezeits
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Randomize
