This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
He said he has something to give me... I swear to God if it's a joint or a framed picture of his penis i'm going to kill him
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
