your thong is hanging out like whoa
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Sext me about skeletons
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
