I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
Drake has all the answers
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
