He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
