Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
I swear they were about to hook up!!
I know because I was in the tub taking an imaginary silent bath. They stopped cuz I gagged on my shot.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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