I'm watching Terminator eating a jar of marshmallow fluff. Trust me, you are not fat.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
Randomize
