I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
