Is it normal to miss your booty call?
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Randomize
