I wanna passion pit in your ass
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
The frequency with which I change my vibrator batteries is getting a little ridiculous....
Randomize
