I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
