I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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