Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
Randomize
