We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
So, the officer that worked my wreck, I'm rockin his world tonight. He saw me high on morphine in the ER. So he knows my level of crazy. Think he'll agree to wear his gun?
So many things can go wrong tonight.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
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