he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
You kept whispering to me that the guy making your burrito was an angel.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
