He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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