first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
