Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
i was rollin on her like bob the builder
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
