He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
