A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Bts the comment you were making during that picture was "look we have penises"
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
Bored of what? I stayed up all night researching sex toys because I'm excited to do things with you that I haven't done in 29 years of having a body.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Randomize
