ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
