i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
only if we run a train.
done.
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
