apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
