before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
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