If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
She looks like a hot George Washington...I'm going for it
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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