First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I'm having one of my monday morning walk of shame coffees if you care to join.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
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