do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Randomize
