She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I still have a little drunk in my system
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
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