Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
