his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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