are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
My breasts were aching with rage.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
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