Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
