And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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