I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Ladies don't puke and tell
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
