Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Randomize
