I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
