so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
