like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
