My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I do believe at one point I was dispensing medical advice while wearing your sombrero and a hulk hand
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
