batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
