You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
